Tom Brady and a Can of Whoop Ass



Dear Friends,

Yesterday I had a cup of coffee with Polly Positive and we had a post Lent & Easter wrap up chat session. She is continuing on in her new role as Polly Positive as a result of her Lenten exercise. I took half a week’s break from blogging and am now faced with the dilemma of what to blog. Since we have covered religion for the last chunk of time, I am taking that off the table as a theme. Other taboo dinner table topics are sex and politics. Do you really want me to go there???   Be careful what you ask for.

When I pressed Polly for the exact adjective she used to describe me, she reminded me that the word was constrained. I was not sure the word applied to me but looked it up here. Does this mean I am doing a better job of holding my tongue than I think I am?  The only definition I will accept is #5 of the full definition. Of course.  Who would want any of the others???  As it is, the analogy to a sausage is inescapable.

Having said that, I am not sure I will be constrained when writing about the next topic my readers choose. As a premio (prize/treat) before I move on to the next topic, I will tell you a little story to tide you over.

One of Thing 1’s classmates at Migraine Boot Camp is from Arkansas. Last week, I met Hot Tonya and her delightful mother, Miss Angie.  Hot Tonya is a mother of two children, one of whom has cerebral palsy and the other who had a traumatic brain injury at a young age but is doing well. She home schools both of the adolescents. Part of the recovery process for her daughter with the TBI was a one eared mule named Buster – a therapy animule, as it were.  He is featured above.

During the story telling I interjected that today was Good Friday and that Jesus rode into town on one on Palm Sunday. I was promptly corrected.

“Oh no, dear, it’s a mule, not a donkey. But don’t worry, my brother has a miniature one of those named Tom Brady.” Hot Tonya beamed.

At this point of the conversation, I didn’t know which tack to take so I opted for the simplest and most obvious.

“Tom Brady? Is that because he’s an ass?” I asked. As you may or may not recall, I am not a fan.

“Well, he’s had him about 10 years so I don’t think so.” Miss Angie chimed in.

“That thing just roams the country side. One day we had someone ask us if we had a miniature donkey on the loose. And we said, ‘Yessir.’” Miss Angie paused here for effect.

“Well,” the donkey finder said, “the donkey’s up at the church.”

Miss Angie assured the gentleman, “Oh, he’ll come back home, he’s not lost!”

“Sure enough,” Miss Angie continued, “He came back home a few hours later, walked right up onto the porch and peered into the window to let us know he was back.”

Since then, I have learned the difference between mules and donkeys, miniature or otherwise. A donkey is a domesticated ass (equus asinus). A mule is a hybrid of a male donkey and a female mare. (Are you still with me?  This is the simplified version.)  America’s favorite online retailer has a commercial out, which first aired in the UK in November, featuring Asa (?) a miniature horse who is also a dwarf.  A charming video on Asa’s history can be found here. And finally, here is a video of Trevor and Tulip, real miniature donkeys.  Just so you don’t get confused.

Oh, the joy when worlds collide! Thing 1 has “family” in Arkansas before her parents ever move there!  At the end of the day, I requested (OK, demanded) that the women show me how to “call the hogs”.

Many people have asked  me,”How are you going to live in Arkansas?”, as if I am moving to the moon.  I respond, “Just like I have in every other place I have ever lived.”  The Natural State is just like another foreign country except they speak my language – with a twist.

WOOOOOOOO  Pig …..Sooooie!!!  WOOOOOOOO  Don-key Sooooooie!!!



Filed under Domesticity, Family, Friends, Life, Misunderstandings, Moving, People, Religion, Spanish vocabulary

6 responses to “Tom Brady and a Can of Whoop Ass

  1. moodringmama

    Fabulous post. I just want you to keep going out in the world, getting to know people and their stories, and sharing them with us — I could not be more thoroughly entertained.

  2. raftbuddy

    Laughed out loud. Also, I would NEVER use the word “constrained” to describe you. If I remember the previous post, PP was describing your reluctance to ask for help from others?? I don’t see that as a sign that you are constrained, EPP. xoxo

  3. MCVwasHere

    I’m with MRM. just go out, meet more people, and tell us about it! That little Asa is too cute. How far away do the people in Arkansas live from you?

  4. broccolibooksandbed

    I vote politics over sex…perhaps because I also do not see you as constrained!

  5. MCVwasHere

    Can you blog for my birthday?? Please?

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