My Most Expensive Glass of Wine – Ever

Whilst in Buzios, we stayed at a charming pousada which offered spa services. Wisely, the spa therapists gave everyone free quick massages. The woman suggested that I could use a wine therapy treatment to rejuvenate my body and rid it of excess toxins. I was puffy, my body perhaps retaining water in the aftermath of the colonoscopy. Included in the treatment was ultrasound to break up fat and a massage to drain lymph nodes. It sounded better and better. She said she’d throw in a free facial, a “mini-plastica”, to even out my skin tone and lift the skin on my face.

So I booked it for the first afternoon after the beach. Standing in my undies, the therapist measured the body parts needing treatment. I then stretched out on the massage table while the wine therapist broke up the fat on my thighs with an ultrasound machine, after which she smoothed a mask on my face that smelled of yogurt and honey. When she was finished, she wrapped my thighs and tummy in gauze soaked in grape juice, algae, and a few other things I couldn’t understand, just like a mummy. I got back up on massage table, my midsection planted on a thermal blanket. She gave me a glass of red wine (chilled, about one grade above boxed wine) and turned on some floaty music. When I had finished the wine, I laid down and she wrapped the thermal blanket around me.

Talk about miracle juice! The only difference between this experience and the anesthesia for the colonoscopy was that I occasionally woke myself up with the sound of my own snores. When I came to my senses, I was then treated to a massage, ridding my apparently engorged lymph nodes of further toxins. Finally, the woman removed the mask from my face and measured my body parts again. In order to use the mask you have to be totally still for an hour; the effects of the mask will be negated if it cracked.

I did lose sizeable numbers of centimeters after the wine therapy and my face appreciated the gooey mixture. It got me out of the grump of saying good-bye to Mr. Understanding. But I didn’t buy the package the therapist was offering for my stay, a mere $650 USD for the wine therapy or the $150 for 36 applications of goop to take home with me: there wasn’t enough wine or enough time. There’s no such thing as a miracle in a jar – I need some direct divine intervention.

Advertisements

9 Comments

Filed under Cosmetology, Fine Dining, Princessdom, Travel

9 responses to “My Most Expensive Glass of Wine – Ever

  1. Expat:
    It sounds wonderful! But there’s no free lunch. Did they give you more than one glass of wine?

  2. And you don’t want landscaping?

  3. expatprincess

    Leezer:
    Only one glass of wine – maybe it had rufies in it?
    Radish:
    How does a vineyard sound?

  4. Margaret

    That sounds amazing – I would dig that. Sounds a lot more relaxing that my cupping experience in Brazil. Ouch.

  5. Raftbuddy

    I think they give you the wine so that they can convince you that you have lost centimeters and you won’t remember the original measurements!

  6. expatprincess

    I actually watched her measure me and write down the data both times so there was no memory loss. That comes later, when your body remembers how it was before and returns to its original state!

  7. Laura Lopez

    I clearly made a bad move by accepting the com crianza vacation with your family, when I could have been doing a Buzios spa week sem crianza, or at least with them surfing while we were mummified. Have to rethink this one for the future.

  8. gamamãe

    this mummification sounds very nice..can you choose your wine?? We have to look into the possibility of similar treatments at the royal palm spa…though I have a feeling we may have to content ourselves with hot rocks!

  9. expatprincess

    No, no choice in the wine, Gamamae … unless you bring your own! Somehow, I do not think this reduces the price.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s